Remember Warren Cuccurullo's Rock Rod? Some time around 2001, the former Frank Zappa and Missing Persons guitarist (who was then a member of Duran Duran) marketed a dildo modeled on his own impressive manhood. (You don't have to take my word for that last part, since Cuccurullo also released several hard-core video clips starring himself. I won't link to them, but surely you know how a search engine works. I mention this with the caveat that once you see something, you can't unsee it.)

Sex and music go together like, well, sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll. Rockers including Rammstein and Motörhead have put their names on sex toys—and when you think about it, "Rammstein" and "Motörhead" already sounded like the names of sex toys. In 2012, Doc Johnson launched its line of "Rock Star Vibes"—Patti, Joni, Janis, Tina, and Stevie—which you can be assured were not endorsed by the performers their names were meant to evoke.

Even those miscreants in Mötley Crüe released a line of vibrators back in 2016—which is funny, because just thinking about actually sleeping with a member of that band is enough to give you chlamydia, several varieties of hepatitis, and a rash that no amount of hydrocortisone will clear up.

Maybe that's what inspired rapper Machine Gun Kelly—a member of the Crüe's extended family thanks to his role as Tommy Lee in The Dirt—to roll out his own vibrator. It's called the Lil' Devil, and no, it is not based on his own, uh, machine gun. The rapper, a.k.a. Colson Baker, announced its availability in an Instagram post. And, is it just me, or does he actually seem slightly embarrassed about the whole thing?

 

 

 

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A post shared by Colson (@machinegunkelly) on Feb 13, 2020 at 8:27pm PST

In spite of the apparent Valentine's Day theme, the "massager" won't ship until early March, but you can pre-order one here, via Manhead Merch. The company very helpfully notes that the item is non-refundable. Because, I mean, c'mon.